The Style Guide of Male Fashion Icon Ali G

They changed our town to Staines-upon-Thames, they wanted to break any associations with Ali G and they care as much about our football club as they care about giving keeping the government free of corruption.

But they will not take our beliefs.

  • Staines-upon-Thames will always be Staines.
  • Staines will always owe much of its popularity to Mr. Alistair Leslie Graham.
  • Our football club rocks and together we’re one in joint support for the lads.

We’re trying to revive this site and open to suggestions for our Staines Massive community. In the meantime, we have compiled a quick Ali G style guide for those who would, in time, feel like honoring a respected member of British society and of our town.

Ali G fashion style guide, cuz life’s too short to not be pimping

Of course, there is only one Ali G, the same way that there is only one Staines (and are proud of both!). We feel that our once-embedded culture is being lost among our youths, so it is our duty here at Staines Massive to provide you with a style guide to keep our town’s traditions and folklore. Let’s begin.

The hairstyle and haircut

Ali G is known for wearing a bandana and much discussion has arose as to whether Ali G has short hair, a clipped hairstyle or if he truly has afro hair from his claimed Jamaican roots. What not many people know is that dorags are used in gang-banging culture to protect the hair after using a hair clipper to clip the hair and have it in hairstyles like 360 waves, crew cuts and afro hair styles (dorags can also be used while growing the hair long). We can all speculate what the hairstyle of Ali G maybe though he has stated in the past that “his hair be like ‘em pubes”.

Alig G with a dorag covering his hair and dressed in yellow.

Can’t believe ‘ems got REPSECT above spilled wrong

The facial hair

To emulate the facial hair of Ali G, thou shalt only leave the moustache and lower lip/chin hair, and it should be trimmed too. We all know this facial hair style is pimping and no self-respecting pimp would allow himself to be caught without this peculiar facial hair style. According to Ali G himself, he first got this facial hair style “w’en me first went down me Julie”.

The clothes

Only bright yellow or red is allowed. There’s no room for experimenting with dangerous colours that may get you shot next to da Maphew Arnuld Skool for wearing the same colours that rivals from guetto Langley wear. According to Ali G, “dee tonne of me skeen only be aloud dark, innit”, so never wear dark colours/tones for your clothes, or else a bullet may be heading your way when you’re at Penton Avenue post office picking up grandma’s mail. Only clothing item allowed a different colour, if at all, is the dorag cuz light-colored dorags show the hair too much.

Ali G dressed in red color with a matching red dorag for his hair.

The glasses

Ideally, the glasses should be stolen from the accessory section at JD Sports over in da 2 Rivers Shopping Centre. If not, kindly pay the 32 pounds for the plastic-made glasses manufactured in China, but dare not remove the price tag and security tag hanging off the glasses. And, if possible, somehow add an extra zero to the price tag. Actually, make that two zeros ‘cos 3200 bucks is high-balling moneez in the ghetto, nom’ saiyan’?

The smell

There’s only one smell allowed: eau de cannabis. Immediately after your mom washed your clothes and gave you the clean neatly-folded clothes, smear the clothes in some weed oil you have saved for some space cakes (and if you ain’t eating space cakes as of yet, then start getting on with the program, bruv).

The language

Ignore verb tenses for the most part, misplace the order of words in phrases and omit the second syllable of any words with more than two syllables.

Example: “Me be went visit to me uncle Jer’oom”. The word Booyah shall too be used to denote joy or to finish off a conversation. The phrase “U wat mate?” shall be used when unclear about anything.

The attitude

When you’ve grown up and lived in one of the roughest areas of Britain, Staines, self-preservation then becomes second nature to oneself. Always hide an AK-47 when driving around the hood especially around parks and ponds. Be fierce towards your rivals but be also considerate to animals, if you have to pull out your AK-47 when cornered in a park by some gang rivals, do think twice about pulling the trigger in case you hit a duck.

The music

Anything by So Solid Crew.

Booyah!